Broadening My Service Base…

I had originally given my personal assistance invitation to Coleen Rooney and The Beckhams, to which neither of them contacted me with the immediateness I was expecting. (Denial is not just a river in Egypt.) So I’ve realized that I’m going to have to broaden my base of employment. I’ve picked out a few more ladies, and now some lads as well, whom I believe are in need of my personal assistance.

THE LADIES

Alex Gerrard

The good… and the bad.
With her writing career on the rise, while also perfume hawking, boutique opening, and being a devoted mum and wife, Mrs. Gerrard may need a little schedule keeping. I’d also suggest that she not do any more red carpets without a fashion aid.

Carly Zucker

She’s wicked fit. But she doesn’t really choose the proper outfits all the time. I can appreciate her casual nature, but when you’re someone who gets photographed on a daily basis, you need to make an effort sometimes. Oh, and with the wedding coming up and all, perhaps I can help her find a little extra time to focus on the big nuptials.

Abbey Clancy

A.)I wouldn’t let her wear a see through dress to the red carpet so everyone could get a peek at her leopard print knickers. B.) I generally like her everyday style. I won’t need to fuss with that. C.) I can find you a better interior designer/friend than the fashion disaster that IS Elen Rives.

THE LADS

Danny Cipriani

As a VERY young celebrity (He JUST turned 21 I know, such a baby! Such a GOOD-LOOKING baby… dirty, dirty. Must resist those thoughts.) and rising rugby star, the sponsors will by knocking constantly and the schedule will begin getting hectic VERY soon. I will be there to eliminate unwanted sponsors (like fish oil tablets) and get you out of the daily habit of wearing tracksuits EVERYWHERE!

James McAvoy

After performing in the Academy Award winning film, Atonement, with Kiera Knightley, this actor seems to be on the rise. Alas, he chose to film WANTED with Angelina Jolie. Let me chose some roles that enhance your talents rather than burying them in excessive blood and gore combined with unnecessary computer animation. (So…bad.)

Robert Pattinson

This young actor starred in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire before taking on the other teenage cult book-based film, Twilight. His appearances around the U.S. in preparation for the film’s premiere on November 21st have been crowded and filled with the high-pitched shrieking of young girls (and probably a few high-pitched boys as well). He’s also a musician. He appears randomly at bars in LA and pubs in London, his home town. Needless to say, he’s a busy guy. I could assist with the fan mail (gotta censor the crazies) and help him find time to fulfill both his acting and musical passions (and to get to London more, because, frankly, he’s losing his British accent which is just utterly unacceptable). Also, I would prepare him enough for events that he wouldn’t say something as inappropriate as this.


pictures via google images, jamd, dailymail