Footballers Are Idiots

…when it comes to driving their cars.

CASE #1: John Terry Gives Two Fingered Salute to the Disabled



John Terry deemed it unecessary to act like a normal human being by illegally parking his Bentley in a disabled spot outside a Pizza Express in Esher, Surrey for two hours while he enjoyed dinner with his wife, Toni, and their twins, Georgie and Summer. While photo evidence was collected by practically everyone in the metropolitan area, Terry received a mere £60 fine, pocket change for a footballer earning more than £130,000 a week. What makes Terry even more idiotic is that a 50p-an-hour car park was just a few yards away.

So lets run through what went on in the mind of Mr. Terry:

Should I (a) park in a car park with those simpletons, have to walk a few yards to eat, and risk having my overpriced motor vehicle getting scratched by some ordinary citizen or (b) park in a disabled spot feet from the door, so I don’t have to over exert myself, even though I’m a world class footballer who is more physically fit than any disabled person, have my gorgeous car in an area free from harm, but susceptible to the paps, and get a £60 fine while I will earn 2250 times as much by this time next week…hhhhmmmm…

Link: John Terry Gives Middle Finger to the Disabled

Case #2: Matthew Pattison Gets Arrested for Drink-Driving…in Only His Underpants


Matty Pattison, nicknamed Party, by his fellow teammates at Norwich City, was arrested Sunday morning for drink-driving. The story goes that Pattison was out a nightclub late Saturday after the 2-0 defeat of Sheffield United. Upon waking up Sunday morning, he hopped in his car, still drunk, in just a t-shirt and skivvies, believing he as late for training. But there was no training on Sunday for the Canaries at their Colney training grounds, much to Pattison’s efforts. About halfway through his journey, the police spotted him driving erratically, possibly due to his lack of footwear, and followed the 21-year-old South African, eventually pulling him over just outside the training grounds. Reports that he has checked into a rehab facility have yet to be confirmed.

Link: City Star on Drink-Drive Charge

Ashley Apologizes For Horror Tackle

Ashley Cole publicly apologized to Alan Hutton for his high tackle in the Spurs-Chelsea game on Wednesday. Hutton himself admitted that he would have done the same thing in that particular situation, while Arsene Wenger, Cole’s former manager, stated that Cole “is not a dirty player.” Although he escaped with only a yellow card, Cole took the high road and apologized. Avram Grant, Cole’s current manager at Chelsea, spoke today in praise of Cole’s mature actions in apologizing for the incident.

Link: Wenger Defends Cole
Link: Mature Cole Supported by Grant

Oldies, But Goodies, Return for International Duty

David Beckham has earned a recall to the England national team for their international friendly against France on Wednesday. With the Big Four all playing on Sunday, some extra legs may be useful. And he’s always good for morale. I’m interested to hear how he and Capello get on…

Link: Recalled Becks Backed by Capello


Harry Kewell has been given the captains band for the Socceroos prior to their international friendly on Saturday against Singapore. Even while his first team play is in doubt with his club, Liverpool, he decided to head down under to help out his international squad with their preparations for World Cup Qualifiers next week. What a good lad.

Link: Kewell Handed Socceroos Captain’s Armband

Footballers are Idiots...

…and apparently some of their girlfriends are too. Chanelle was “shocked” to find out that her new love, Seb Hines of Middlesbrough, is living with his currently expecting girlfriend, Katie Abram, and their two-year-old daughter, Tamia. Chanelle claims she was unaware of Hines current marital status, and Hines claimed to Abram that he only took Chanelle to the cinema when they were briefly separated. I’m going to say that all parties here are acting like idiots.
Note: Need to start company for WAG wannabes who wish to know if their newly acquired status is indeed theirs and theirs alone. Shall name my research company/detective agency: I NEED TO KNOW IF THE FOOTBALLER I'M HOOKING UP WITH IS ACTUALLY SINGLE, BUT I CAN'T READ A NEWSPAPER AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE WIKIPEDIA OR GOOGLE. (Think it's too long?)

LINK: Chanelle's WAG hopes shattered as footballer love interest is having a baby with girlfriend


Danny Simpson please stop making out in the street. It’s just bad taste. Whether you’re a multi-million dollar footballer or just some chav on the street excessive PDA is improper behavior. And seeing that it’s with the stereotypical god-awful soap star, I denounce you purely for lack of creativity.

LINK: Roxanne Pallet Gets Her Man U


I don’t understand why Xabi Alonso is getting all this slack for wanting to be there on the birth of his first child. What’s the big deal? I guess this is more like why the media and Rafa is making such a big deal out of what seems like common logic to most human beings. (And let me assure you that I had the same thought before Liverpool beat Inter Milan to join the other three English clubs in the UEFA Champions League quarterfinals.) I mean he’s Spanish, so family probably means a lot to him. I can totally understand why he didn’t want to go to Italy while his wife sat at home suffering through labor pains. Lastly, I doubt it will be affecting his selection for the Liverpool. Rafa would have to be an utter idiot to believe he can leave out a player like Xabi with the current situation he’s in anyway.

LINK: That’s Yer Tot, Alonso


Didier, seriously? I pray to god that you’re buying all these kits to send down to Africa to family and friends or some type of charitable donation. If you are that concerned with your numbers on the list of kit sales, we have an issue, or rather you do. Stop acting like an idiot and taking offense to the taunting of the lads about being #3 in kit sales to Lampsy and JT. They are English lads so it just makes sense. Who gives a flying rats ass about kit sales anyway. Just put some balls in the net and you will be loved by one and all. Including me.

LINK: Drogba Buys Hundreds of His Own Replica Shirts


I saved this for last because I thought the remembrance of Chelsea's sorry performance this weekend may bring me to tears… again. But I will hold myself together just long enough to call Avram Grant a fucking idiot. If you’re two top scorers, who, may I add, have had extensive time off for more serious injures, pick up small, niggling knocks and ask to play, you better fucking play them. Frank Lampard has scored six goals between the cup competitions alone this season and he has also scored in each of the last two games. If he wants to play, you better put him on the pitch. Didier Drogba, although slightly off target recently, has a superb cup competition record and was the only scorer for the Blues in the Carling Cup Final loss to the Spurs. These are two key attacking components to your lineup. And they should have played, straight up. The lineup was good, but it could have been better. Let’s not kid ourselves.

His incompetence becomes more apparent to me everyday.

LINK: Avram Grant Admits Neck is on the Block After FA Cup Humiliation

I feel better now that all of that's off my chest.