Footballers are Idiots

I want to start a new section of my blog called “Footballers are Idiots.” I figured this would have ample material to produce entries. From just the past week I have accumulated four stories regarding footballers acting without thinking, or in some cases thinking more with one head rather than the other. I hope to continue with more entries regarding this theme, and I’m sure the footballers of the world will have plenty to provide.

CASE #1: Benjani Sleeps Through Departure of 2 Plane Flights Compromising £8m Deal with Man City

I think the headline says enough, but what boggles my mind even more is the fact that his agent, or whoever was in charge of the deal, didn’t somehow make sure he got his flight to Manchester. Was his phone off? Did no one think to call his mobile? Why wasn’t his agent with him on the flight? And in all these cases I would seriously rethink the choice of representation. Sven better have a plan for keeping this Zimbabwe international from sleeping through training and matches. Maybe a YTS boy designated specifically to wake him up everyday with persistent phone calls then visitations if the calls aren’t successful.

CASE #2: Jermain Defoe’s Indecisive Behavior: Bra Hats to Engagement?

Last week is was released that Mr. Defoe had a mistress for over 7 years, expanding from before the times of Charlotte Mears and into his more current relationship with serial-WAG Danielle Lloyd. Although there was great disappointment for the couple, they decided to work through the issue. And less than a week later, Miss. Lloyd is spotted wearing a little extra sparkle on her engagement finger. Whether this is an actual engagement ring or not is unsure. Maybe this is merely a “commitment” ring. Either way I think Jermain has some thinking to do, especially with this supposed gesture. If you’re throwing rings around to just any girl, your definition of “commitment” might become slightly scewed.

CASE #3: Nicolas Anelka’s Cell Phone Pictures to Mistress… on his Wedding Day

What can I say about this seedy behavior, besides the fact that it’s repulsive and downright unacceptable? As if your mistress isn’t going to save all these pictures on her phone to boast to all her friends that she’s a WAG-in-waiting. There are only so many times that I can stand hearing about footballers sending girls naked pictures of themselves on their mobile only to have them show up in the papers the next week. Lets think before using advanced technology boys. Maybe you should all learn a lesson and not leave pictorial evidence to be compensated for monetarily once you leave the girl with a broken heart and a need for revenge. In the words of Shakespeare, “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

CASE #4: Ashley Cole cheats of Cheryl: Pukes on Hairdresser Mid-Romp, But Finishes the Job

Nothing a little mouthwash can’t solve, right? WRONG! What a deplorable mess Mr. Cole has gotten himself into. Sordid stories of payoffs and impregnation have found Ash a victim of every woman in the life of Mrs. Cole. And what a powerful list of women that is. Her Girls Aloud posse has expressed their discontent with the reports of Ashley’s behavior and Victoria Beckham’s name has been moved up on Cheryl’s speed dial list with her experience in dealing with dangerous mistresses (a.k.a. Rebecca Loos). Mr. Cole is in a rough situation with so many powerful women so close to his wife’s ear. Karma’s a bitch.
What I take issue with is the fact that the tabloid stories have kept Ashley away from training at Cobham. He’s missed a couple training sessions and 2 games due to “personal issues.” When your playing around affects your game, it’s time to quit playing the field and commit yourself to the one woman who tolerates your inability to cook.